Happy Anniversary by Kira Kenley
Posted on August 9, 2013 by Kira Kenley
28 Kira Kenley shares her creative dilemmas and decisions every Friday. You can read her earlier posts here
It is a year since I gave up my ‘day-job’. My security. My profession of twenty years. A year of firsts, many of which I have discussed in this blog. This week I thought I would take stock and ponder what exactly this year has meant. Birthdays and New Year celebrations are usually a time to reflect and today feels like another such time.
Last year, following a sequence of events over which I had no control and which showed me I could no longer continue living as I was living, I stopped what I was doing and looked at the junction in front of me. There were two roads available. However, the longer I paused, the more pronounced one of these roads became so that the illusion of choice disappeared. There was only one road to travel.
This road has meant I let go of so much that has caused me stress and strain but it also meant that I had to be very honest with myself and trust the creative process. Really trust without letting stress and strain creep back in. You see I believe I am here for a reason as is everyone but that reason is never totally apparent to me and for as long as I continue to orchestrate my life with force and single-mindedness, the reason still unfolds in spite of me while I stay lost in my driven efforts to make everything a ‘certain’ way.
Recently, I read that life is lived forwards but understood backwards and the words stayed with me. How can I make ‘fixed’ plans? How can I know what my future holds? It is simple I don’t. All I know is this moment as it is revealed to me and another piece of the puzzle falls into place. And that is the beauty and the mystery.
So looking back at the puzzle as it unfolded this year…
I met Orna Ross, creator of this Blog, and began writing for this Blog. I went to India and in my quest to be a student became a teacher and in the process saw that they are one and the same for we are all learning. I met Miguel Barradas who showed me what it means to love and introduced tenderness in to a life practice, which had seen me grow hard. I married him, committed to be someone’s wife and took on a ‘furry son’, Tito the wonder cat.
I released my first album and launched it with the help of my family and friends. I revisited my first novel and committed to publish it before the end of this year, it is being edited as I write. And recently, I agreed to develop and host a workshop, which will allow people to have a creative life ‘now’, rather than in some imagined future. And, of course, these events have been steeped with all the little precious moments that are the cream of this movement we call life. Too many to mention here today but nonetheless important.
My life is a partially filled canvas, a painting in the making. I have no idea how much has been painted thus far and when the last brush stroke will happen as it must certainly will. And that is maybe the greatest gift. The uncertainty. The unknown; that something continually seeing my life in its totality and guiding me. If I listen. And watch. And allow.
Thank you ‘unknown’ for the year that has been. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Let the unfolding continue…
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